Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

I chose not to have kids so that I never have to act like a grown adult.

Because he does stuff like post a shirtless selfie of himself reading The New Jim Crow? Because he used an old body building picture to make his Free the Nipple post? Because he made two separate posts about a feminist t shirt he owns in the same week? Because he posted a selfie of himself reading “She Comes First”?

I don’t see hate, just intense eye rolling, which he totally deserves.

Yeah, I mean, the best way to avoid bad sleep is to drink less—no doubt about it. But even a couple glasses of wine can still affect your sleep poorly. These tips aren’t just for people who get completely shitfaced.

Who invited this fucking guy?

I like something light and refreshing to counter the greasiness of the pizza. My go-to is a glass filled to the brim with well-whiskey— chilled with the memories of a youth I can’t recapture.

Yikes... I’m actually scared to see what the total is. Thankfully it doesn’t auto-separate into “useful stuff you actually needed” and “junk you didn’t need and wasted money on.”

If your wife is a 28 year old balding muscular man then yes, I fit that bill. Hi honey.

OK so I’m not supposed to say I don’t have any goals, but then what goals do I invent for the purpose of lying to get this job? Because my goals as far as my job go are basically to stay employed so I can keep affording to buy things.

Seriously???

Was he a wild and crazy guy?

My Dad (and Mom) circa 1975, taken in their home in Queens, NY. They died in an accident when I was 3 just one year later. He was 26.

is he breaking up the illegal booze?!

My handsome grandfather making serious heart eyes at my grandma’s sexy self. They were, so, so, so in love from the minute they met until the end of their lives.

Here is my dad in all his late 70’s early 80’s glory. Is he high? Most bloody likely.

My dad when he first moved to America back in the 70’s

this is my dad’s army officer photo. he was a search and rescue paratrooper/flight surgeon during WWII.

My dad wasn’t the best lookin’ guy but he knew how to look cool with a drink in his hand: