“You think that’s bad—you should see my videos of the things they say at practice”

“Doonald, uld friend. Do not vorry. I take care oov eveyting. Ooof course! No vone vill ever find out. Girls? Vhat girls? Poof! Like magik gone. You go now. Go home to vife...Melania? She has pretty face. And Kids? Vhat are names again? For holiday cards I send. Go now...ve vill talk...sometime verrrrry soon.”

They ate at Applebee’s and liked Mike & Mike. I don’t think they’re capable of disappointment.

Where can I read more of this?

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Bobby Bowden thinks athletes wear earrings because they are raised “by their mommas”

He’s wearing camouflage pants.

“You aren’t getting fat! You are just getting more muscle in your shoulders!”

I wish I had this feature for subtlety telling my wife that she doesn’t fit into that dress anymore.

“Chris...I’ll tell you something and it’s something that will absolutely blow your mind. I don’t know ANY of these women. Couldn’t tell you a thing about one of them. Do you have any idea the amount of pussy I grab? The sheer volume would stun you. It’s just incredible. We’re talking probably 40 to 50 pussies a day.…

Don’t do terrible shit in public if you don’t want to be publicly shamed. Fuck both of these people

Thank you for making some sense! Fuck both of those people for putting that kid in that situation.

there is literally nothing wrong with shaming someone over objectively horrible behavior.

Of course public shaming is ok! We do it all the time! A celebrity says something racist? That’s a shaming. A politician says something homophobic? That’s a shaming. Parents get stoned and drive their kid around? Oh you better believe that’s a shaming.

If you shoot up and pass out with your goddamn grandson in the backseat then yes you deserve to be publicly shamed. God you people are fuckng precious.