I’d say that’s about a 7.358.

Exactly, because if it’s your first time on an antidepressant, you don’t really know what it’s supposed to do. The first one I got put on was Wellbutrin, and it made me jittery as hell. But I thought that’s what it was supposed to do and I kept saying “it works ok” for several months right up until I made a suicide…

And everyone feels pain differently, too. What might be a 5 to me could be an 8 to somebody else. That’s why I think the 1 to 10 scale is bullshit. But I guess when you have someone that blurts out “10!” without even thinking who walked into the doctor’s office without so much as a limp, you can figure out easily that…

I know, right? My doctor always asks me “on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is your anxiety right now?” It’s like, “well if it was a 10 I’d be in the fucking emergency room right now, so I’d say about 5 or 6.”

There has got to be a way to control the amount of beers a person can drink while they’re at a stadium. It would be tough to enforce, but it could be done. The place I work at (a movie theater) has a three-drink maximum policy. Obviously it’s much easier to enforce there because you can remember the people that come…

I love how he asked Conan point-blank “what you on?” Classic Beast Mode.

I think I’ll dress up as Burt Reynolds, now that I think about it. After all, he’s all 6 Village People rolled into one human being. That’s quite an accomplishment.

Well, that’s your opinion.

I’ve only been an NFL fan for about 14-15 years. I’m pretty old though (38) and I don’t remember the NFL punishing players for off-the-field misconduct before that. Or did they, and I just wasn’t paying attention or was too “out of it?” Can somebody please help me with this? Like, did the NFL ever suspend Lawrence…

I think it has something to do with his therapy. Like if you’re a recovering alcoholic, your therapist will have you write what’s going through your mind when you get the urge to drink, to try to correct that thought pattern and help you find other ways to cope with those feelings.

Didn’t look personal to me; they just seem preoccupied. Maybe they were losing at that point and they were “in the zone.”

+1 This is the real reason hand sanitizer exists. I could never be a quarterback, too much OCD.

But Peyton berates his teammates as well. I remember when he had to be separated from Jeff Saturday because Jeff was THIS close to rearranging Peyton’s face. Hey, maybe that’s how his forehead became so big!

I really do think it has to do with looks. It’s easier for me to buy Peyton Manning’s “good guy” act because he is not good-looking. Tom Brady, on the other hand, has kind of an “American Psycho” vibe going on.

And how does he stay so calm when these things happen? If someone around me had a heart attack or seizure, I’d be freaking out. I’m pretty sure I’d panic so much I would forget the number for 911.

Don’t forget my personal favorite, “class act!”

No, he can’t be gay! He’s just smart. After all, he did win on Celebrity Jeopardy! “I’ll take ‘Anal bum cover’ for $400, Alex.”

Come on, Matt! Don’t be such a prude. We all know that purse=vagina. You might as well just say it. #Fingerbang!

That gives a whole new meaning to “football on your phone.”

Now we need someone to interview his shrink.*