Yikes. You deserve so much better than to have such a selfish, narcissistic non-partner. I concur with the suggestions about relying on your support network, including both telling them what happened and considering moving back to be close to people who actually demonstrate respect for your value as a human. This…

Seconding the recommendation to talk to a therapist. If you’re recognizing self-destructive behavior, it’s critical for you to identify the underlying reasons for it and develop ways to make healthier choices.