I still only have five bucks in my Navy Federal savings account. Like, no one wants to hire me with the discharge the Marines gave me, and it wasn't even dishonorable. :(

I think his definition of "restraint" is not using live ammunition.

Ah, fuckin' nerds.

Here's a comment: You're an adult, stop playing dress-up, weirdos.

Yeah. Whatever happened to Mom & Pop Army?

I would suggest everyone step down from such an organization. None of these people are remotely reading the Bible correctly. Jesus (if he even was an actual person) said that the kingdom of heaven is within you, not "Hey gang, it sure would be swell if you made a cult around me, then forced it down everybody's…

He keeps mispronouncing her name as "Laura."

I sense a new Police Quest title where you're just choking-out civilians in New York City.

Whoa. The only way that name could be any Jewy-ier is if he were Rabbi Michael Diamondstein.

I guess I give him points for showing initiative.

Finally, Japanese people Americans can relate to. Fat ones.

"Great! My Secret Service detail just texted me they need a designated driver and Ernie got a little too rough with his hooker, so I also have to stop by Ace and buy a shovel and some plastic wrap. Those rascals."