Show some respect and stop making it all about you. The people of the DMV area are still struggling to recover from the aftermath of our 2011 earthquake.

are those tattoos or did she pass out drunk and the guys got out their sharpies?

Damn, right before pitchers and catheters were scheduled to report, too.

Great cross-promotion opportunity here as, perhaps, "going Airborne" is what kept her from having a major Emergen-C.

I make 36k a year and my neck hurts and i hate my family

I do think context is necessary. On the surface yes, this all sounds pretty bad. And some stuff, like the Pearl Harbor Day prank clearly crosses a line. However, if Incognito and Martin had a friendship, its different. I'm a black guy. If I chose to recall tales of some of the stuff my white friends have said to…

He's willing to get into boxing matches, but couldn't defend himself against an unarmed kid. Yep, that totally makes sense.

Despite not being in any sort of physical danger, Zimmerman still plans to shoot DMX.

Is there at least free Wi-Fido?

He's just reminding his teammates of the stakes.

I wish I was out for a run instead of reading this (and I use the term loosely) article.

A miscue like that can really make a guy feel isolated. I hope he has someone at home to keep him Kompany.

For $100k I am throwing it however the fuck gets me that money.

Whatever.

Okay, these "unique" names are getting out of hand - who the fuck names their kid Redacted?

Jesus we're gonna feel so bad when we find out this kid with this mental condition's Make a Wish was to go to the LSU-Alabama game

Technically, that's not a real push-up.

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken - Colonel Sanders