This is really just evidence how far Las Vegas has advanced in the past few decades. Back in the day, he would have just killed the reporters.

GM: Before we sign you Johnny, we want to time you in the 40.

What team is going to have the balls to sign him before St. Patrick’s Day?

The Ejaculate Confession

Axis And Allies, Civilization before we had computers.

I don't know, it teaches kids at least one valuable life lesson, namely: Yes, the banker is cheating. The banker is always cheating.

An embarrassing percentage of my youth was spent on week-long campaigns of Axis & Allies. The kind where Germany ends up with so many fighters you had to use pennies to represent 10 of them, while the UK stockpiled bombers in the same manner. Just two huge towers of aircraft amassing in Europe while you fight over…

Explaining why I loved it as a child and despise it as an adult.

Sample Peter King columns kept on file just in case:

So the Tea Partier got tea bagged?

Well, I bet his excuse is that some quack told him to do it.

That was the story of Sunday - Patriot goes for a 2, disaster ensues.

Even when he tried to take a quick piss at halftime, Brady found himself getting knocked over by men in Broncos jerseys.

Why would two white guys hanging out give you street cred?

But doesn’t his friendship/marketing partnership with Russell Wilson earn him the requisite street cred in the rap community?

Trey & Bryce are not to be confused with the Trey & Bryce that are members of the USC tennis team who caused such a brouhaha at last year’s Catalina Wine Mixer.

Nigel Tufnel nods knowingly...

Never ever ask an athlete for movie recommendations.

No provocation? My bet is that Taylor must have insulted one of Emery’s mothers. Can't think of many other reasons to clock a guy like that.

Lebron denies any of this talk of a beef and has referred any reporters questions on the subject to his new spokesperson.