Yes, if you live outside of Center City Philadelphia is pretty damn hard to get amazing gelato. Hell I moved 25 miles north and I can’t find squat. However, I can find a delicious vanilla soft serve cone with rainbow JIMMIES anywhere. (A special shout out to Rita’s custard because they have a vanilla/orange custard…

I believe you mean nonpareils. They too, should always be in peril.

Shakes made with soft serve are the bees knees.

Haha! I wish. I just had some of the “Talenti” gelato from the grocery store recently. Not quite as good as an actual gelato place but pretty dang tasty.

Ok that’s a good point. Also soft serve definitely has a nostalgia factor that gelato doesn’t.

One time my wife got these large round sprinkles- edible BB’s basically. They spilled out of the container, and we find them in crevices around the room months and months later. Nothing tastes good enough for that, and sprinkles don’t taste nearly good enough. I threw the rest away.

That tripped me up when I worked at an ice cream place in high school. We got a lot of tourists from the midwest and they all asked for Jimmies. The first time I looked at them like they were crazy and asked them to explain what a Jimmy was. Kind of like hearing those yahoos ask for pop. Motherfucker, SPEAK ENGLISH!…

YES. In all forms—on ice cream, on cupcakes, on birthday cake—sprinkles are completely unnecessary and do not taste good.

Do it.

What in the living fuck is an Otter Pop?

Ever done a Mountain Dew Float with vanilla frozen custard? At least one good thing came of my first afterschool job.

Sprinkles actually suck. They have no real taste of their own, besides some chalkiness. They exist to ruin the texture of an otherwise smooth ice-cream experience. Sprinkles bring nothing to the table.

I’m all about that rootbeer float life. It combines my two favorite foods that are also bad for you.