YEAAAAAAAAAH

Bret, invite me to dinner at your house. I will NOT call you a bedbug. I will, however, give you a swirly and bang your wife. 

Appealing? No.

it depends on several things: where you are in your current contract, years of service, accolades like all nba, how many cups of coffee you can drink without murdering someone, how many times you’ve driven the autobahn, if you can parallel park downtown in Seattle, how long you can hold your breath, it’s all right…

The lesson, as always, is to never ever go to New Jersey for any reason.

If you were Barron, would you ever go on the internet?

Yeah, tell me how conservatives don’t try to control people. Really, I need a laugh today.

Oh boo hoo
The “journalist” who’s entire MO is throwing himself into crowds and provoking them until they turn around and give him the asskicking he’s asking for so he can get hurt and then cry on camera about how “violent and intolerant the left is” got hurt. Let me find a sad violin to play for him. The man’s a…

If waiters gave a six minute time limit for making a decision, my wife would never eat again. HAHAHAHA!

You and people like you should be set on fire and thrown off buildings and I have no shame in admitting it

That you managed to type this with Vladimir Putin’s dick in your mouth, that’s what’s impressive.

Man, these guys really won’t defend anything.

“One would think that two members of the Mets would be used to not being able to get someone out by now."

I do care about people

My autistic son is smarter than a lot of these people.

Fuck, just in time for the release of the new Ford Bronco.

If you think his Twitter is bad, you should see what he says about some waiters on Yelp.

Those clowns hired the wrong guy for the job. Everybody knows who the best designated hitter is.

They have my thoughts and prayers.

All day every day for years. Work, gaming, everything. They haven’t released a new model in ages, but I’m not sure what they’d even be adding or changing. They’re perfect for me.