The real lids were the hands we grew along the way.

But I’m here to tell you that you don’t need two lids. You never did. You just need a cutting board and your hand.

Permission to use the phrase “all shuck and no corn” sometime? 

Have you ever thought about starting an “ask a green person” column? I certainly have some questions that I can’t find clear answers to. 

Garlic in the vagina is a bad idea for a number of reasons. It might even inspire your partner to come to bed with a cruet of olive oil and a bit if Parmigiano Reggiano in an attempt to make some sort of weird pudenda aglio e olio and we can’t have that.

But my butthole is still an option, right?

Describing to people how to stop taking a medication is something that is very dangerous. This should ONLY be done by the prescribing doctor. The whole idea of this article is a terrible idea. The title of this article should be

Context does matter, but you are picking and choosing what context matters to you. As it stands, white people wearing dark makeup to appear black is the continuation of a practice tied to the mocking of black people, and often enslaved Africans, in the US. That’s the context for this. More context for this, which a…

Just...just wear the clothes. We know who it is, the costume’s good and fine on its own, there’s no need to Blackface it up. Jesus, why is this so hard?

Note: Chun-Li died on the way back to her home planet.

MY PEOPLE NEED ME.

Typing out the transcript so I don’t have to dig out headphones to watch the video makes you my favorite writer at the moment.

Sorry, I don’t know how iron is cast. 

Annoy people trying to get decent results out of a Google Image Search, I find.

Did one of my coworkers write this?

That’s a very useful trick, thanks for posting about it!

Yes. Yes you are.

Don’t these people know better than to get on a bus with Keanu Reeves? 

Dear Claire,

Oh it was clearly Ghosn’s, but it’s Japan and you take the blame for dumb ideas instead of your boss. Lawyer probably didn’t even think twice about claiming responsibility for that one, probably considers it part of his job as a lawyer.