My MIL brought three of those mother fuckers to my kids minutes before we left on a five hour car trip. I was like, “oh, hell no. The minions are going to stay home and guard the house and they’ll be waiting for you when you get home.” They didn’t even push the issue. They knew Nana must have lost her damn mind.

Dear god, how old are you? I don’t mean that in a snotty way at all, I just all of a sudden feel ancient. I don’t know anyone in my age group that doesn’t know who Walter Cronkite is. Therefore, I am obviously old. So very, very old.

Both of my pregnancies were delivered by smart, funny, caring female doctors. The first delivered my distressed newborn quickly and calmly by cesarean. The other delivered my dangerously premature twins by c-section while conducting a jovial discussion of which restaurant had the best chicken wings. In both births I…

Damn, I got married just before the wedding industry went completely out of control. I totally missed out on the proposal photo shoot, engagement photo shoot, elaborate “bridesmaid proposal,” wedding hashtag, bachelorette weekend in an exotic local, wedding -moon, and morning after photo shoots. I also had babies…

Ha! Fuck that. Let me know when they come out with double double stuft.

I had a cookout with friends, drank the better part of a bottle of wine, and ate three different starches covered in cheese. I have 3 adorable, rowdy boys dressed in red, white and blue, and we watched fireworks in a church parking lot in a tiny town. I am overwhelmed with patriotic love.

Sundress, jellies and sass.

I have twins, and twin uncles, and twin great-uncles. Seems hereditary, right? And yet, they’re all identical twins, which means me, my grandmother, and my great-grandmother all won some random baby jackpot.

And even if a woman had the genetic predisposition towards multiple eggs, it would have to come from her side of the family. Not her husband’s. Stupid tabloids need to learn some science!!!

I read The Outsiders over and over. But SE Hinton’s Tex is a close second. I actually loved Tex more than Ponyboy

My mom thought the sweet valley books were too mature for me, so I got stuck with the lame-o sweet valley twins.

Don’t forget the gobs of soggy hair. Pools are disgusting too, but I still prefer cool, refreshing vats of other people’s fluids to warm, bubbling pots of it.

Gross, but not even surprising. Hot tubs are nasty. I don't care how much chlorine you put in that thing, sitting around in a big pot of people soup does not sound like fun.

I just heard that song for the first time yesterday and really liked it. Thanks, Sirius spectrum...

You're totally right! I ordered it, and it will be here next week. Even if I never wear it, just smelling it will bring back such fond memories.

When I was a little girl, my best friend’s mom wore tea rose perfume and I adored it so much that I wore it myself as a teenager. I haven’t smelled it in years. But for some reason, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been like, “damn, I really wish I could smell that perfume again.” I don't know if I could wear it-…

I had previously slept with the minister that performed my wedding’s son. And the minister had caught me with my hand on his son’s crotch in his living room. (This was five years before my wedding) and his son was one of the wedding guests. So it's not a wedding hookup, but it involves hooking up with people that were…

I believe you’re underestimating the awesomeness of an occasional poolside lime-a-Rita. I wish I’d had one today as I was quietly humming along with the pool radio to Third Eye Blind and Whitesnake.

She’s from South Georgia, right? 90% of the people I met in my four years in South Georgia called it “Reesies” or “Reesee cup.”

Right? I don’t really believe in Hell, but if it exists, telling the pope to shut up will probably get you there.