The .gif seems to meander along to this tune (Detachable Penis)

Haha it's like a lost little peen looking for his dude

Agreed! It was not what I was expecting and the two winners genuinely sound like well grounded- happy dudes. I like this- more proud, happy people, please!

I feel the same way about this as I did whenever I went to a club and there was a w-tshirt or hot body contest, sad and perplexed. I wonder if that's what is was like watching a court jester perform. Dance for us monkeys, dance.

Same here. The banner is worth a thousand words.

The sad text made me laugh uncontrollably at my desk, which I had to stifle because my boss walked by, which made him think I have some type of respiratory issue. Sooo funny!

Is it weird that I enjoy looking at them when they are in this state? They are like a small, ugly/cute mammal: like a mouse or a hedgehog. Something to pet. Then- they grow! Run! Or, you know, have sex with it.

You went above and beyond for this article when you could've relied on the Jez brand of "Teehee, silly menz!" I'm glad you didn't, it was an interesting read!

Have not read the article. But...

God, same here. I'm much more calm now, but between the ages of 11 - 17? I'd have brought havoc and doom upon the asshole, and I'd have known well enough to only post a video of him crying, not of my assault.

In high school this fucking douchebag loser threw a burrito at my face, just because. I was too shocked to do anything about it. I wish you were there to carry out justice.

In what world is this okay or funny? It sounds like assault. If someone smacked me like that I can't imagine not returning the favor exponentially unless they ran like a shot.

My criteria are:

I can't. Because I hate feeling like I want to kill someone.

Note to criminals: It's a bad idea to film yourself committing assault, and then post it online as though it's a joke.

*raises hand* NC resident here.

I have claimed for years now that my criteria are few: "mammal with day job who won't beat me". and that I am even willing to compromise on the mammal part.

When I was in school, he had to be tall (or at least taller than me), smart (but not so smart that I couldn't follow the conversation or he talked down to me), be funny (snarky but not mean), have a good job or was in school for one (or at least did something he was passionate about that paid the bills), was either…

I wish that just once, when a politician/celebrity is caught in a scandal (especially cheating) the wife would skip the press conference and file for divorce.

It is about an employee that despite over 20 years of generosity feels that she still deserves yet even more financial support from Paula Deen.