These stories have taught me an invaluable lesson: “never take immodium and try to grit it out”

What follows is a transcription of his Instagram Story diatribe, in which he accuses the Packers of “cho[osing] money over me.” 

No.

No. I’m married to one. I come here in secret

The more of these I read, the more scared I am that I’ve never come that close to losing my bowels (outside of a long drive with no gas stations. Nothing happened; I found a bathroom every time.)

No you are not.

Oh, there’s apparently bonus content in the Funbag this week! What could it be? Another pregame song? The return of Emmitt Smith? More snacks?

After multiple years reading deadspin, I’ve never read a single one

I go one step farther: Especially if you’re single or in a couple (read: no kids, no more than two humans in the house) ... don’t use the dishwasher at all. End the night by hand-washing your dishes. Listen to a podcast or some music while you do so. Many people watch television just before bed, or in bed, before…

“Flags. I fucking hate flags. You fucking hate flags. Everyone fucking hates flags.”

Or she’s a mature adult that gave an honest response that doesn’t align with our fire and pitchfork takedown of ESPN narrative.

That’s a very belittling last paragraph: “She coudn’t have meant what she said, because that would imply she doesn’t fully agree with me, so she must mean this other thing”

Either way, a Seattle guy thanks you. Drink our coffee, fly on our planes, enjoy our computers, shop at our membership stores, buy all your shit online, use our vacation planning, like our department stores, use our forestry supplies, fly on our Airline, check out our heavy truck manufacturer, either way!

Ah, I see you’ve managed to kill Littlefinger, but what about his other four accents?

Hey! Love your podcasts and the way you approach history. Fall of Rome was really well done. Please keep it up. One humble suggestion: sometimes the music in ToH can distract from what you’re saying. Maybe I’m just a boring member of the peanut gallery who can’t aurally multitask, but your voice is enough to carry the…

If you don’t read EVERY communication from Ole Miss in the voice of Foghorn Leghorn, and start every paragraph by mentally adding “Ahh say, Ahh say...,” then what are we even doing here?

As an non US citizen, I think one of the biggest problems with your country is to bring race into absolutely everything.

Can’t I just watch dragons and dire wolves murder zombies without worrying about politics? :(

Maybe watersports.

This is the last place I expect to process this, but the reason we lost are threefold: