I’m really rooting for Jake Butt to stay healthy this season

Yeah he is. He makes Peyton Manning look like Idris Elba.

Welcome back, Mr. Morgan. Your craziness has been missed.

Xanax always makes me buy crazy shit, not alcohol.

eating a french fry sandwich.

Teamwork? No, “It’s like we were on the court during the Finals trying to finish strong for the win,” is how you know it wasn’t Melo.

We’re coming home along the Thruway and decide to stop at McD’s. There’s a woman and smallish kid in front of us getting huffy and I can tell this won’t end well. And in due time she starts yelling at the cashier, “Why is everything more expensive here? This is ridiculous! You’re ripping people off!” and so on, as the…

No shit, my story would end with "There were no survivors of what came to be called "The Pizza Cutter Massacre."

This entitled housewife looks back at her impressionable child and calmly says “She is yelling because that girl deserves it, the service is terrible every time we come here.” And then she looked me straight in the eyes.

Back in the 80s, a friend from college invited me to be her bridesmaid. We lived hundreds of miles from each other, and had only exchanged brief letters in the years since graduation. I shouldn’t have accepted, but I thought it would be fun to see her and the people we used to hang out with.

This was not my hook-up but I witnessed the hook-up.