Ivan(ka) in January: I’ll advise my dad on politics and try to fight for equality, the environment and puppies. Please like me everyone, we’re super cereal and you can trust me.

Me, sitting on the couch: “Ugh, it’s too hot to go to the gym and run on the treadmill for 30 minutes.”

we should be a complete laughing stock by this time next week.

In an email to the Post, Bradford apologized for his Twitter commentary, calling it “disrespectful and offensive.” “These comments are inexcusable and I do not stand by them. Now, as a public servant, I hold myself to a higher standard, and I will work every day to better the lives of all Americans,” he told the paper.

The optics of pulling people from their wheelchairs is simply staggering in its awfulness. Yet Trump supporters (who will undoubtedly be affected in large numbers) will put on their stupid MAGA hats and cheer Donnnie on, while he simultaneously pushes their heads deeper into a shit-filled trench.

One sure sign this is correct: every single person (read: psycho) that has an inspirational quote in their email signature uses some odd ass font for the quote. Exponential crazy.

Can I throw up now? Why don’t we just build a time machine and go back to pre-Dickens London, where urchins begged in the streets and people worked 60 to 80 hour weeks for low wages in terrible and often dangerous conditions, so men like Trump could live in wealth and comfort, and did not have to work hard…

I mean, come on.

Staff the entire emergency room with black doctors and nurses, then if some asshole demands he get a white doctor, they can go ahead and die.

That’s pretty much got to be the epitome of frank stupidity—you don’t want people who could save your racist, bigoted life to do anything for you....because of the amount of melanin in their skin?! You mean that’s it?! That’s your threshold?? If that’s the case, quit wasting everybody’s fucking time and just stay…

In the old days on OKCupid, one soft-spoken guy got my attention. He was smart and cute and his first message to me was the super creative “Hey.” I am now married to him. Want to know why he stood out to me? Why, in a sea of getting message after message after message for someone I did not want to meet, I met up with…

She gave me her heart and I sent her a dick.

ICE is now taking the position, as espoused by DHS Secretary Kelly and ICE head Thomas Homam, that they will act to the full powers given to them by law and essentially will not compromise on anything for humanitarian purposes, for virtually 99.99% of cases.

The administration in a nutshell:

I disagree. This was an excellent use of public money despite the mistrial. People who want to behave like this need to know that even if the truth doesn’t come to light until they have a foot in the grave, they will be prosecuted and have their name dragged through the mud.

Also, they keep using the work “leak” instead of “lie” so what they are actually saying is “yes, this stuff is actually happening, and we don’t want people to know.”

It’s also oddly implying that Obama and Hillary are the leaks? How would that even work, when the leaks come from the Trump people?

Aside from the fact that Trump is hiring people who obviously are completely unqualified for the jobs that he is hiring them for, what the hell is that cartoon? I mean content aside, does anyone think that Donald is that physically fit? He’s an orange beanbag not The Rock.

The only one hysterical was Sessions the elf. He was the one yelling and that is why the senator rescued him, yelling at Harris, she was the only one who was not hysterical there.

Kamala Harris is the only Senator on the judiciary committee who’s an actual prosecutor. This seems to especially bother John McCain (who’s been sitting in and interrupting her despite NOT being a member of the committee).