Waxing is a walk in the park compared to laser hair removal. LHR feels quite literally like someone is snapping a rubber band against your skin over..and over.. and over again. (But I do it every 3-4 months anyway .)

Dude here. The missus prefers my twig & berries region to be a clean surface. Normally, this wouldn’t suggest any sort of painfulness, except for a few details.

I go through the pain of not showing my beautiful face to the world when I go home and go to sleep.

Tweezing out the spiky widdle chin-hairs as they appear. Don’t worry for long, girls— Father Time will soon bring this glorious routine to YOU, too! Hooray aging!

Jagger? Snow thank you!

This is Adam Levines fault for that stupid moves like jagger song. There’s no way she would have come up with Jagger with out that. My parents were thiiiis close to naming me Sharona. Idiots.

ETA: what the baby naming situation has come to right now.

That’s when I usually find myself saying things in silly voices out of sheer panic. Usually, it’s something like “Housekeeping!” or “Go away, I’m building a rocket!”

AND if somebody else is clearly trying to poop (ie they’ve been in there quietly for a few minutes), do your business, wash your hands quickly, and LEAVE. No fucking makeup or talking to others or TOOTHBRUSHING, just GET THE FUCK OUT.

I went through a spell where I so hated pooping at work that I’d go to the Methodist Church down the street and use the loo on the second floor. No one ever discovered me.

Guys on my office floor like to take calls. Do ladies do this as well? I think silence is the watchword. Grunting and farting are the only acceptable sounds in a bathroom.

Work poops are poops that you get PAID to take, though.

Except for those chicks who are just hiding in the bathroom to play on Facebook and listen to music while not working— they will sit in there for minutes on end, not even pretending to rattle the toilet-paper holder urgently, no shit-related pretence at all. Gurls, the least you can do is pretend. Could we get a…

I call this “The Great Pooping Stand Off.” I hate it when I’m trying to wait out someone who seems to be trying to wait me out. It’s like Thunderdome. But with pooping.

There is a woman at my work who apparently has a goddamn party every time she goes in the stall since it is always strewn with bits of toilet paper and those flushable seat liners after she leaves (which imo, are gross and wasteful anyway — just wipe the seat with some toilet paper and sit your buns down!)

Or you just read the back of the shampoo/bodywash/conditioner bottle

And if I’m not ungreyed after I photoshopped an ibex for you people I just give the fuck up.

Yeah, Natalie Portman is ridiculously gorgeous. Like, Goddess beautiful.

Shit, me too. She is horribly, painfully beautiful. I would donate both my little toes to charity for the chance to look like that. Even for a single hour of my life. Just to know what it feels like to be that exquisite-looking.

I worked at a 5star hotel in Cambridge Ma. in the 80’s. I did night audit so I rarely interacted with guests but every once in a while I had to handle a late check in. At around two in the morning a filthy dented woody station wagon pulled up in front of the hotel. I saw the driver out of the corner of my eye as he…