Did you just all lives matter me

If he were my teen, he’d get a stern talking to. But he’s not, so he gets daps and an ice cream cone in any flavor he wants.

And if you have an inconvenient scheduling conflict for the date of the birth, you just murder the baby and then traipse on over to your hair appointment. You can always make another one using welfare and Satan in Obama’s America!

Don’t you know? Exactly 24 hours before being born, the baby sends you certified mail informing you it’s about to arrive. And it’s helpful because experts know that this is the best time to perform abortions.

what a lot of people don’t know is that james carville is actually just the “fruiting body” of a much larger underground organism

A Temple Owl who loves pot but leans right. This is the exact kind of situation the word oxymoron was meant for.

I have a question:

Michelle Obama, Mother of America has a nice ring to it.

I’m 100% in support of this. Plus, if HRC is elected, there technically will be no First Lady, so why not just keep her in that role until a replacement is named?

(Obama voice) “Michelle, that dress looks beautiful... It will look even better on the floor of our bedroom.”

She looks stunning BUT...I still prefer the Jason Wu gown she wore for the State dinner with the Treadeaus.

1. Probably not in the form of a press conference transcript.

Danny Trejo was a twelve-time welterweight boxing champion in SAN QUENTIN.

Jesus Christ, you goon. I love you. I hope Terry Crews pulls out your spine.

Did you literally skip past the very next sentence where he claimed to have read “passion” from a transcript?

I know some people think it’s a complete waste of time for Kaepernick to stand up there and talk about something that pretty much everyone agrees is terrible. Especially when there’s nothing he can really do to change it. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have to answer questions about the 49ers.

“I don’t begrudge Kaepernick for being politically active, and I didn’t see his post-game presser.

It’s almost a shame he’s starting now and is obligated to put a helmet over that thing. Dude should be a perpetual backup, allowed to roam the sidelines with his ‘fro free to be caressed by the wind of Blaine Gabbert’s overthrown passes