I was lucky enough to once work for a pizza place at which the owner didn’t put up with customer bullshit.

I had a customer throw a video game at me and start faking a heart attack in an attempt to get around a very clearly stated rule that you can’t return opened video games. She told us she was going to sue us for physical and emotional distress. We offered to call her an ambulance and all of a sudden she seemed fine,…

As a former barista, I must tell you how wrong you are: wrongwrongwrongitywrong. People like this give zero shits because if you even attempt to thwart them, they will create a scene that on Broadway would require six chorus girls and a backup choir. They know that you’re a low wage earner and don’t really get paid…

I so LOVE your columns. I have never worked in food service and because of you, never will. (Tho I think I would be decent at it. I’d be fired quickly).

That would make sense if he were just a cheapskate trying to fly under the radar. This guy is a sadist asshole who likes to make it as conspicuous as possible.

But damn, that also means he has to maintain 365 email addresses. All douchebaggery aside I am confused as to how he maintains this.

Sure, that works most of the time. But I don’t think douche capacity is really a good enough standard. For example, that completely ignores the superiority of douchecanoes in stealth-douche applications.

I so hope they send him a bill for the drink he actually ordered on all those days.

Well, it’s all about how much it can haul. Obviously, a doucheschooner hauls more than a douchecanoe, though both pale before the douchefreighter.

So is a doucheschooner like a douche canoe, but worse? Is there an established hierarchy of douchebaggery I can consult?

The scammer needs a punch in the throat just for using the phrase “easy as pie” with such a bullshit complicated order.

People feel so f’ing entitled these days...

We had an awesome wedding, our friends loved it, we expected nothing other than for folks to show up if they RSVP’d, and told them as much... It was a blast!

This a million times. People forget that your bridal party is doing YOU a favor. I cannot believe the expectations people are ok placing on people because it’s your wedding. I remember having this conversation with a recently engaged girl I know:

Maybe she thought that she didn’t have to give us a wedding gift because she was a bridesmaid?

I disagree with the ikea stuff sucks. Like everywhere, ikea has a shitty version, and a good one. Get the stainless steel pots with the thick stainless bottom.

My cousin isn’t a stranger. He’s family. And when he decides, irresponsibly, to bring more members into my family who are at high risk of a lifetime of surgery, nearly toxic medications, opportunistic infections from years of immunosuppression, and debilitating symptoms that prevent them from living normal lives,…

You can actually get gastroparesis, the stomach disease I have, from taking narcotics for a long period of time. And like you said, they can be fucking dangerous. The prohibition of pot in this country is completely nuts.

it is ridiculous because none of the other drugs have any pros except relief of pain. They are all addictive and have serious side effects if taken too long. You won't turn into a junky, rob people, overdose, or develop long term gastrointestinal issues from taking it. There are more pros than cons. this country is so…

I have three family members with Crohn’s disease and two waiting their turn (my cousin, after three serious surgeries *in his 20s* to resect his bowel repeatedly and an entire adulthood in and out of the hospital decided to have two biological kids; do not get me started on what kind of egotistical shit does that to…

Completely asinine. You can go to work wearing fentanyl patches, taking two 10mg Percocet every 4-6 hours, and be on Xanax and no one bats an eye. Medical marijuana? Even if it isn’t affecting your work performance and has been cleared, it sucks to be you! It makes me paranoid because I have debilitating GI issues…