Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

I mean, I’m pretty sure a bigger reason is that the Pats won it 15 years ago.

I actually hoped he would retire over this. Because even though I am a hypocrite who still watches and follows the NFL religiously, I am basically rooting for every player in the league to retire at all times and hopefully save themselves from a life of misery.

Give the guy a break. He was obviously distracted by the weird ghost lamp floating next to him.

Cops are bad, bitch

So... the villains are rich liberal who kill poor conservatives for fun, (which Republicans say rich liberals are doing) and the poor conservatives respond by getting a bunch of guns, (which Republicans say poor conservatives should do) and proceed to kill the rich liberals, (which Republicans also say poor…

I stand by my oft-repeated opinion that anyone trying to get you to read Moby Dick is upset that they wasted their own time, and just want to watch someone else suffer.

The Red Planet is a cold, dead place, with an atmosphere about 100 times thinner than Earth’s.

All diseases should be named after places in Connecticut. 

Hey, class traitor, are you getting paid for defending Amazon on message boards, or just doing it for free?

When you label human beings as "illegal" you are indeed quite racist. The bigger problem is you're too fucking stupid to realize it. 

You are not an intelligent person and no one cares that you are afraid of brown people.

I've been praying that when Dick Cheney finally kicks the bucket it's on camera so I can re-use this caption.

There should be a short dash and a long dash

mike trout changed his name and is with the brewers now?

Saying “be careful at an ETHNIC restaurant” is exactly being racist. Not, “in all the restaurants I’ve worked at has had this issue, be careful with. . .” This person is making a generalization about an ethnic group when they’ve had a marginalized experience in total.

Rotten all the way down, I say

Um, are there defined roles like that for hetero couples?