Yeah, it literally is hitting. If you are a person who spanks your child (open hand, closed hand, belt, slipper, whatever) you are a person who hits your child.

I love how instead of enshrining the eminently sensible, even-kids-understand it idea of “don’t hit people” in law, we instead have lawmakers debating and deciding exactly how and how much we can hit our very young children. I seriously just adore the idea of grown men and women arguing the granular differences…

And while we’re at it, why are you spending money buying expensive brand-name toothbrushes and paste, when there are perfectly good fibrous sticks outside free to pick up, and they do the same job!

Not only is it not sterile, but there’s literally no reason why it would be. Like, what other bodily secretions are you expecting to contain none of the billions upon billions of bacteria that live in every system of your body?

I was sucked into WOW by cheap flights to London, but the stopover in Reykjavik had me curious, so I took a week there - it was worth every cent. We didn’t do a single thing there that wasn’t absolutely fantastic, and we had such a great time exploring a countryside that was super-drivable but also nearly empty of…

On January 20th, despite everyone’s best efforts...

Robert Pattinson must just look around at his life every day and shit himself with delight. Like, that dude is LUCKY.

If people had actually spared a thought for checks and balances during the whole two-year campaign, they probably wouldn’t have spent so much time pouting about Sanders and worrying about the fact that Clinton gave speeches to Wall Street bankers.

I actually have less than zero idea who French Montana is, and I haven’t looked it up because there’s no way that knowledge will improve on the way my brain fills in the blank.

Every time there’s a Dirt Bag item about French Montana, I misread it as French Stewart, which makes them much funnier.

Wasn’t there a whole thing where Chobani and other Greek yogurts were creating so much extra whey that would normally stay in regular-thickness yogurt, and no one knew what to do with this gross-ass milk water? Methinks they discovered what to do with this unwanted byproduct.

I always know when summer’s over the first time I drop my phone between the driver’s seat and the console in my car. During the summer, I’m wearing shorts, and my skin has enough friction that I can drive with my phone in my lap without it going anywhere. The first day of wearing actual pants that thing goes flying…

I agree if and only if the “faraway place” you’re in required a passport to get to. When I was on my study abroad in London, the last Harry Potter book came out, and I stood in line for 8 hours. The two guys behind me were soccer hooligans who were willing to share the vodka and orange juice they brought, which was…

Also Uber, which has been present in DC for some time now.

I know the word of an internet commentator is as worthless as Zimbabwe dollars, but I know a girl who was picked as the audience participant for the bullet catch trick a few years ago in Vegas, so I don’t think audience plants are the way they’re making it work. My guess is the trick relies on machinations more…

I actually bought a wake-up light during the last sale, before realizing that as-is, I regularly sleep through full-sun mornings and afternoons with no problems. Now, just at the moment I’m going through a depressive episode, but my whole life I’ve found it very easy to sleep in places and situations a hell of a lot…

I actually bought a wake-up light during the last sale, before realizing that as-is, I regularly sleep through…

When I lived in Sudan, we had the opposite problem - I couldn’t use the bathroom at all for about an hour after I got out of work. The water sat in a tank on top of the building all day, and after sitting in 100-120 degree sun for 10 hours or more it would come out of the sprayer at near boiling point. If you tried to…

Celebratory gunfire is a thing I learned about in Sudan when I lived there. Such is my liberal bubble, I was unaware that it was a thing in the US. Truly, we are the third-world country of first-world countries.

I’ve only been flying since after 9/11 (I got on my first plane at 18, then promptly moved overseas twice). I didn’t want to speak to something I had no direct knowledge of, but yeah, it seems pretty basic that you can’t do shit while the pilots and crew are still getting the plane out of “we might crash” territory.

There’s always that one douche who’s just shocked - shocked! that he can’t get up and start digging in the overhead bins while the plane is 5 feet from the ground and the seatbelt sign is still on, and always one other person who’s surprised to learn they can’t blithely wander into the bathroom under the same…