I’m going to need someone to put a protective barrier around Stephen Fry and David Attenborough, just to be safe.

I was able to hold it together until getting to the end of this obituary, which reminded me that “She is survived by her mom Reynolds, daughter Lourd and beloved French bulldog, Gary.” Now I’m crying.

This is true as long as you aren’t both tall and sneaky. I live with roommates and let me tell you, the top of the fridge/over the fridge cabinets are where all the very best stuff in our house is located, because I’m the tallest by about 6 inches. Shorties don’t even think of those places as places, they aren’t part…

I’m working on some pretty scant evidence here, but I nanny my bestie’s two kids once a week and those kids actually seem to like each other? I mean, they fight and argue, but really all they want is for an adult to help them work out a compromise (“Kid 1 can choose something to watch on Netflix, but it has to be an…

I literally cannot understand how you count this as a “bad experience with a delivery driver” and not an “embarrassing experience that I’m glad I had the chance to fix.” You stiffed a guy (by accident), and then you got the chance to not be the asshole who stiffed a guy. You’re fine, you need to get over it.

You are wrong, “so-and-so and I” is always the correct construction.

The only way I can be okay with the fact that yet again a woman of color has graciously forgiven the perpetrator of a violent crime against them who seems to show no remorse whatsoever is by reminding myself that every moment of this has given Asma Jama a chance to show off what a magnificent queen she is, while her…

I’m still mad about the woman in the grocery store yesterday who muttered “You could say ‘excuse me’” behind my back after I zoomed past her, even though I did say ‘excuse me.’ I’ve never been in the same galaxy with the kind of grace this woman has.

I don’t know if it’s because I can’t imagine anyone, much less someone of Amy Adams’ caliber, falling in love with Jeremy Renner’s potato face, or if it’s because it was a classic example of a movie that crammed its love story in because I guess every movie needs a love element (you can argue that it needs a couple to…

For one thing, the step ladder he was trying to use kept falling over.

Him and Jeremy Renner are the two most potato-faced white dudes I’ve ever fucking seen, and they’re consistently assholes in the press (you know, in situations where they know people are listening so you’d think they’d fucking put on a human face for a minute or two, but no). I have no idea how either of them managed…

My (American, from Kentucky) grandmother was an Inez, pronounced the way a a non-Spanish-speaking American would pronounce that name upon seeing it. Nobody I’ve ever talked to knows why my great-grandparents chose it, although all their children had kind of romantic Old World style names that were kind of impractical…

You are the first, though far, far from the last, to mention that the fish was alive. As though that makes it better! From my perspective, that just means that your costar is 90% more likely to smack you in the face with its tail, which is even worse than being asked to model with a bit of dead produce.

Imagine being beautiful enough to be asked to model that beauty in front of a camera - an accomplishment which we are told, as a culture, is among the very highest to which a woman can aspire - but being otherwise unimpressive enough that your modelling costar is a big dead fish. I don’t know or want to know what that…

Also if I forget my normal earbuds at home and want them while I’m out and about, I can buy some cheapie replacements to get me through the day for ~$8. For something where I will, guaranteed, lose at least one of the teeny-tiny components, a $160 price tag is at least 10x too high.

We did have some perfectly nice seafood, but before we went my traveling companion and I made a bet that we could each eat 14 distinct types of seafood during our 4-day stay, assuming that it would be challenging but doable. I wound up having one of the few meals I didn’t like in the UK (a fish “pie” that was chunks…

Not that it mattered to the Nazis.

I wholeheartedly believe that anyone who goes to the UK and has a bad culinary time must be an idiot. Not just in London, either - every town in the UK I’ve ever been to has had a wide selection of perfectly nice things to eat. Although I was surprised and disappointed by the limited seafood offerings when I was in…

Trader Joe’s used to sell frozen ones that, while they wouldn’t stand up to fresh-made, were just about the nicest thing money could buy in terms of things you could keep in the office fridge and microwave for lunch during a bad work day.

Nope! I’m in month 9 without work, and the election has moved me into a spiral of “if you can’t find a job under Obama’s good economy, how are you going to live through whatever hell Trump wreaks?” We’ll see how it goes.