But playing soccer, even if it’s the main focus of your life, ISN’T a matter of life and death, particularly if you would likely never see your kid again. She’s not going to divorce her husband over this.

This is so true. Among my friends, I am known for giving really good compliments (it’s easy - I like my friends, and I tell them why I like them often). Surprise surprise, I have a lot of friends. Who doesn’t want to hear the best things about themselves?

It’s a bit difficult for a woman to initiate a divorce in Iran - however, this could fall under the provision that failure to provide “maintenance” to the wife, or provide for her needs, is grounds for divorce.

I mean, my fantasy is having a well-paying job that will keep me in nice clothes and my cat in cat food, with excellent health and 401(k), and perhaps with occasional travel. But if pissing in public is the author’s fantasy, then I guess at least their dream is easy enough to achieve?

I guess we should all be grateful that this lady had the goodness of heart and strength of forethought not to put other people at risk of death or dismemberment with her actions. What a hero.

I think to find stuff like this amusing you have to both not know any addicts, AND have never been a minimum-wage worker of the sort who invariably have to clean up after incidents like this. I would’ve thought that would cover a quite small percentage of people, but I guess you learn something new every day if you’re…

It doesn’t work on its own, but it does work in conjunction with other forms of ID - A tribal ID card is on List C of documents to prove identification and right to work in the U.S. You need either one document from List A to prove both (like a passport) or one each from List B and List C (so a tribal ID card plus…

Most gestures are empty, if you think about it, since most of us realize at a young age that gesturing with stuff in your hands (say, juice) leads to stains on the carpet that Mom gets mad about.

Right? Also not an American citizen, in its own way just as tone-deaf and irrelevant a suggestion as Maggie Thatcher or whoever the fuck these morons got to marry them.

They’re pandering so hard in every direction that it even goes home with them.

Each contestant actually gets a baseline low for how much they walk away with, although I can’t remember AT ALL what it is - but 3rd place always goes home with something, even if they finished at 0 or in the negatives. She probably figured going home with the lowest possible amount was worth the joke.

I don’t think that her joke specifically is what that guy was complaining about, because once you get to Final Jeopardy, the question of whether or not the contestants are going to have time to uncover all the answers has already been decided - it’s possible, though, that this fellow didn’t like the joke, and then…

Now if only they’d lock you out of your account for a 72 hour period if you RSVP to an event only to not show up. I went to TWO birthday parties last month where more than 20 people RSVP’d to say they were coming, but fewer than 5 showed up. One friend even rescheduled her motherfucking birthday party (that is, threw…

WHY is this the way that it is? Why? It doesn’t add anything to the message - it would be the same if it read ‘MARRIAGE ALWAYS = 1 MAN & 1 WOMAN.’ Why is the equal sign in the middle of a word? It doesn’t go there! Why is there an apostrophe? The sentiment is abhorrent but the apparent total lack of editing is truly…

To be fair, this one’s airing on CNN. To add to the hilarity, the moderator recently had a run-in with Trump (he’s the one Trump accused of engaging in “gotcha” journalism by asking him a foreign-policy related question, which although it was a pretty obscure one is probably a sign of things to come tonight). So…

And the long slog towards all of us wearing children’s clothes throughout our adulthood continues. It’s one thing when people wear their funny t-shirts in casual settings, but don’t sell me the same thing with one added ruffle and tell me it’s high fashion.

Tonight’s debate is going to focus on foreign policy, so it’s going to be rife with hilarity either way, but I could see them breaking into the schedule for something like this that is kind of tangentially related.

Irving Independent School District officials sulkily inferred that there was more to the story and we just don’t get it.

I agree. I was almost entirely friends with boys in middle school (because my school was full of Mean Girls who have thankfully, Facebook informs me, all grown up to be decent, kind adults) and only really found tight girl-friendships in college. I have definitely met men for whom my assumption that we can be more…

That’s even funnier than mine, because your cat essentially has no name, just a revolving string of unrelated animals.