Nailed it. It’s the comedy version of that poet writing under an old classmate’s name in order to get published - unfortunately, in comedy, people can generally see you, so that exact kind of lie won’t work. I can only assume the only reason he didn’t try getting on stage in blackface is because he knows he doesn’t…

I agree. I just said I thought it was pretty to keep from saying what I was really thinking, which is that Erin is going to a formal event for grown-ups, not the Renaissance Faire.

Right? It’s one of those things I think is pretty but is also too dated for the prettiness to matter.

I’ve never struck another person, but if someone caused me to either have to endure an extra, unwarranted flight, or to wrangle some other mode of transport to my destination, I think I could do a murder.

You might want to go edit Wikipedia, then, or just get over the fact that people think that a show that is objectively trash is trash.

He’s got to be from California. I’m from DC, and while my office does not mandate ties, the men seem to decide on a day-to-day basis whether or not to wear them, the way I decide which way to style my hair in the morning.

My college friends and I (about 7 of us) decided that A Thing We Wanted To Do was go in on a gallon jug of Carlo Rossi sangria every single week, with the rule being that we had to do whatever we had to do to make sure that gallon of sangria got drunk before it was time to buy the next jug.

I have a much more innocent 7-11 memory, as my dad would regularly buy me a cheese danish there on the days he drove me to school. He always got a JFK 50-cent piece as change, and let me keep it. I still have all of them.

There’s nothing like that blatantly chemical, slightly urine-flavored taste of Red Bull, particularly when you mix it with a mint-flavored gum immediately afterwards.

I agree that it’s an unscientific survey but I just went down the cast list on the wiki page for Real Housewives of OC, and clicked the link to every cast member who had her own wiki page, which was not most of them, and the most any of them had listed for career accomplishments is actress, model, or television…

The only living thing I love is my cat, who I call Bunny, or sometimes Rabbit if we’re being formal, despite neither of these being the name I tell other people is her name.

I figured you must’ve known, really. Life is too cruel for anyone to remain so pure for so long.

Oh sweet babe, I don’t know how the Real Housewives franchises have passed beneath your notice for so long, but that is precious and should be preserved, so I’ll just point out that the distopian hell-hypothesis you put forth in the last sentence has already come to pass, but I wish I could have remained unknowing as…

Hey, when you’re finished your thesis, I’d be dying to read it. This is basically a conversation I have with people all the time, both on Gawker and off.

As a single woman, I’ve found the same is true for “Are you married?” Sometimes it’s the only thing on earth that’ll get a guy to leave you alone.

Yes, that is definitely what happens 2% of the time people break up. It’s so weird how you’ve only heard about it once, given the thousands and thousands of times it’s happened just this year.

I took a geography course in college, it’s a legitimate science that has a lot more to it than memorizing state capitals.

Right? Give me a woman scorned any day, 98 times out of 100 the worst she does is get too drunk with her friends and make a fool of herself crying over a breakup in public.

To be fair, if I was somehow magically able to convince people to let me fleece them for all they’re worth, and have them STILL come away from the experience ready to cast their vote for me to run the goddamned country, I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself, either.

Does he steal turds from people or does he steal the belongings of turds?