“At a drunken dorm party, a little pedophilia might seem like harmless fun. But this time...”

“Vazquez, born Felipe Rivero”

If you’re going to make a joke about this it has to be funnier. I don’t make the rules

Yeah, man. The lucrative field that gold diggers have been utilizing for years: being raped. 

Looks like he had his cum to Jesus moment

Last September, according to a timeline of events provided by the Anchorage School District, a swim team parent went so far as to take photos of the teenager at a swim meet and then send them to others

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

Oh my God, please let this happen:

lol

Funny, he’s also known as the only guy who can prevent another Giants Super Bowl victory.

They play in a division with 3 incompetently-run franchises. They feast every fucking year.

I can’t believe a sports league exists where there are basically 20+ incompetently-run franchises and 1 that feasts on them all.

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

we don’t get to see his brilliance

Oh, God. I was getting all worked up about how much I should hate everyone involved in this story and this didn't even occur to me. 

That was inevitable all along but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

If the Raiders did want to drag this out, they could maybe look into the fact that California is a two-party consent state, 

Definitely the best episode of Hard Knocks.

knock on wood if you’re with me