@RobbieAmell is outside pumping up a football

A confused Reds clubhouse attendant is trying to figure out what to make from an unsigned note asking for ‘three TVs in the dugout for my next start’ 

Holy fuck! It’s way worse than I thought. He lost most of his legs and torso too!

If your sport is fine with knocking someone out cold and then punching him twice in the head while he’s out, congratulations, your sport is garbage.

When you can lowball Kemba Walker and make him walk only to drastically overpay Terry Rozier, you have to do it, 

This one really surprises me. Not that the Celtics would want him or he’d sign there but just that the Hornets somehow fucked this up. It sounds like they were reluctant to give him this money which just baffles me.

How can you criticize a guy who is always pulling for his teammates?

I can understand packing a fleshlight to use discreetly on the road, but it takes a psychopathic level of commitment to one’s masturbation habits to travel with a lifesize replica of a headless, limbless woman to fuck right there in front of others.

The master plan of six to ten people was to have one guy walk up to Ortiz and shoot him in the back?

Neither is OK.  UFC is human cockfighting. 

“We need to move this large rock. What should we do?”

My theory is that Molly saw that Max was about to cough and made the split second decision to blow a little ass, hoping the exceptionally loud sounds of Stephen talking and Max coughing would cover up her shame.  Do you know why no one laughed or looked upset when it happened?  Because it was a girl!  I, and all men,…

Matthew recommended she see Lions doctors

The only thing old dudes in locker rooms love more than roaming around naked is getting dressed in a totally fucked up order of operations.

This is why, the older I’ve gotten, the more I try to avoid confrontational situations with strangers. Even when what the other person does couldn’t be more inappropriate and assholish.

It was a play on his name of “King.”

That’s some delicious schadenfreude. Dumbass.

Goddamn, man. This being Deadspin, I want to make a joke...but I just can’t; nothing about child abuse is humerus.

Good to know an individual player can receive literally tens—if not hundreds—of thousands of dollars of special services and products as long as the provider has a sponsorship contract that enriches the university and benefits the NCAA. Good thing all Zion did was get all this special treatment from Nike and not,…

“Not real long, but he’s real straight and real consistent. So he’s always in play.”