George Carlin: "Next week I'm going into the plastic surgeon....I'm having my handwriting changed, surgically."

3:43 > the coyote walking down the desert road JUST when the anvil, piano and boulder fall from the cliff and all miss him by inches. Awesome.

Can I get a scrip for dating spray? Spray in vicinity of strange women, get a date. Repeat as necessary.

Showtime is doing a transit cop show with two detectives where one is transgender - MtoF - and the other is just female. Working title is TRANSit Bust (get it?). Cute. It takes place in NYC. The Trans cop is from Queens. The female cop from Brooklyn. Friction abounds: Mets vs. Yankees, Williamsburg vs Astoria, Fair…

"Amazing" is no longer amazing. It's moved to the neighborhood with "nice" and "awesome" - the neighborhood where once proud words go to die from overuse.

NO! This is just too fucking weird. Weirder than the Japanese "Human Toilet Slave" video. This is awful. I'd rather watch the Taliban behead people.

Hello Mr. Seinfeld -