+1

+1

+1

Speaking of chaos...

Do you think about your grandma when you masturbate? I ask because most sports journalists look and act like the kind of guys who think about really weird shit when they masturbate.

Wolf Blitzer: "Breaking news: Wolf has been released!"

"Ok, kids. Name something that's fat, always horny, and farts a ton."

Hey, ESPN! I was thinking...ummmm...maybe we could go get drinks sometime? ttyl! :)

"He pulled out? That's possible? How do you do that?!"

+1

+5 figures of hush money

Not to be confused with @HockeyyInsideHer, which is Elisha Cuthbert's twitter handle.

+1

In his defense, he looked both ways and didn't see a train.

"Meh. I really don't think anyone is responsible for our successes. And really, what exactly is the point of success? We may be able to swim faster, jump higher, and lift more than anyone else, but who cares? I mean, these two weeks of games really don't matter when you stop and think about it. And when we win one…

Stars! They're just like us!

Here. Take this bag full of +1s.

Damn it. +1

His father, Mamie, was unavailable for comment.

Ha! +1