As an ode of solidarity to one of his favorite football players as he goes through this difficult lifestyle change, Chris Berman has decided to wax his thicket of backhair.

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"I can't tell if I'm looking at real Justice or fake Justice." -Public Opinion

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Friend: "Look at him, he's so proud. He's drunk and he still wants to celebrate his lineage."

"At least Rome had orgies while they were collapsing. The Red Sox and their fans wouldn't even know how to enjoy their worst collapse in history...

Kemp decided to do the interview with Flaunt only after he was informed that there isn't a magazine called Talented, Arrogant Jackass.

Drew is right about people secretly wanting to fuck the things they hate. I mean, I was in the car the other day with my Auntie Frank when someone cut him off on the highway. After that happened, he kept cussing and yelling for about fifteen minutes about how much he hates assholes.

Life Is Like A Jump Shot. White people seem to have a better shot at making it.

If Hannah has one weakness, it's that she can't stand the sight of churches. Can you believe that all of christianity still refers to the creator of the universe, or "God", as He when the correct answer is She. Umm, excuse me folks, but Hannah Cornett is clearly a female.

She and Bill used to stay up late at night, huddled together under mosquito netting that was made from the fabric of one of the dresses Elizabeth Taylor wore in a little old film called Cleopatra, and make prank calls. Boy, you should have heard Bono's reaction that one time when Hannah told him that his refrigerator…

The attorney was going to include Hannah's assertion that Mr. Daulerio stole her pet talking lizard that was helping her crack the code to cure all forms of cancer in the list of grievances, but at the last minute he decided to just change it to other claims instead.

I experienced quite a dry spell during my freshman year in college too. But I like to think that's because my roommate owned a dehumidifier.

I don't have Facebook and this is the reason why. I figure if something important happens, like if someone gets hit by a truck, or if someone gets hit by a truck figuratively (married), then one of my friends who has a Facebook will tell me. I don't have the patience to wade through the other crap. There are many…

Great news. I hope there continues to be more and more days like this for the Stow family.

Not pictured: E=M

"Hey man, who is your favorite musician?"

"Crap!"

I think Rashard has sacrificed enough already. I mean, look at the picture. What good does $118 million do when you're stuck in purgatory?

After viewing the replay several times, a contrite Shelley looked at his reflection in the mirror and cried "I've created a monster!"