At the minimum a philosopher would be cheaper and get just as much done.

The NFL seems like the kind of place that would have a bunch of non-practicing lawyers in its front offices who’d enjoy bickering over the language for this stuff, but they’re not getting the job done. I never thought I’d say this, but it might be time for them to call in a philosopher.

“Hey, Cam Newton’s brain got pounded into cottage cheese on national TV the other night. Maybe we should do something about that. Ooh oh, I know! PUNISH THE OFFICIALS! I love it when they lose paychecks, that’s my favorite!”

“Did he catch a football? No idea. What I know is that if that motherfucker wears 9/11 cleats we’re fining him to the fucking moon. PROTECT THE SHIELD.”