Yeah, but I guess it’s just the fact that soccer goals are already rare, and then truly beautiful goals are SUPER rare — to the point that it seems equivalent to a basketball player heaving up from three-quarters court and sinking it. And when that happens, you’re like “what a shot!” but you don’t kid yourself and say…

Whenever I see a goal this perfect, I always wonder how much of it is luck. Like, on the million shots you see every game that go wide or high, this is what they’re trying to do, right? So is this just the one where it worked out? And if so, is that a matter of the player striking it the way they’d been meaning to, or…

Hi! I’m a Louis C.K. fanboy! Nice to meet you!

Not a dunk.

This wasn’t a line drive. I know, I know, “highlight truther” yaddah yaddha. But it wasn’t a line drive.

Wait, though, if he’s retiring anyway, could Romo do it before they release him and save the team the dead money? (I have no idea how the cap works or if this has some hidden disadvantage to Romo.)

I feel bad for his career, but if he were my brother, I’d be thrilled that he’s retiring and getting his body out of the line of fire.

Talking about Kizer or Kelly?

I think Brian Kelly is a dick and I hate Notre Dame, but I was worried when they hired him (even more so when he took them a game from the championship) that he would restore them to glory.

Yeah, because the IOC wants ... the world’s best athletes to compete at their Games?

That makes sense. While I sympathize with the players, and couldn’t give less of a shit whether the owners are compensated, a large part of me does not want to see the IOC have professional athletes gifted to them so they can just make shitloads more money that they’re only going to keep.

I’m coming to this cold and give zero shits about hockey, but aren’t the Olympics being dicks here, too? License the fucking rings to the NHL for supplying the most valuable athletes in the Games and the problem goes away, right?

Freelance writing. If you don’t believe me, look up “content marketing.” Companies are pouring millions into it, often without really understanding what they’re doing or realizing how much they’re paying individual writers.

I make 250k dicking around at home! I make no decisions other than “which lucrative project should I take on?” And golf sucks! Eat a dick.

Golf is such bullshit. This would be like if they overturned the result of the Super Bowl because some dipshit in Atlanta thought he had a really, really good look at an out-of-bounds call.

Counterpoint: Tiger is boring. He was an incredible golfer when it lasted, but as far as I’ve ever been able to tell, that’s *all* he was. If he has more dimension than that, I’m open to hearing about it. But hasn’t his whole life been: Hit a ball, fuck a blonde, act like a dick, repeat?

Who gives a shit about steals? I could get a steal per game in the NBA if I played shitty defense and just tried to jump passing lanes.

Travel! Not a dunk! Truth! Truth!

Already so sick of this fucking family.

He looks a lot like Magary in this photo.