If you think you can predict where an armed battalion of Redcoats will show up, bossing you around and commandeering your house for soldiers’ quarters, then best of luck in your fool’s paradise.

No need to get all pithy about it.

It’s like they say, when life gives you lemons, look the fuck out for Patrick Redford.

sheesh...he didnt even coach them for a minute, man.

New rule: Umpires get zero. You get zero ejections a year where you get to send somebody packing for saying some wild shit to you. You can still eject a pitcher for headhunting, and if a player is delaying the game and continues to jaw after a warning, then you can toss him, but no more pretending you’re the big…

“Melania knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said.

Pictured: Las Vegas P.F. Changs owner.

Kevin: Dang, I’d have won if the solution was Two Gentlemen in Veronica.

“SKELLLLLAAAAA!!!”

I can tell you with extreme confidence that he was not joking.

Thank you. Bring back lime.

The fuck-up on this one is that green is now green apple.

D.B. Pooper

THERE’S A DRAYMOND GREEN JOKE HERE SOMEWHERE GOTTA KEEP DIGGING CHECK BACK SOON

but he smiled when he played baseball

+ 1 Orange Crush

Dude, get the nomenclature right. It’s Mary Shelley’s Oliver Khan.

“These people have awful names.”

Sorry, Patrick, the correct title was “What is Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On Jeopardy! Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason”.

Of course she didn’t die in the “crash.” She was taken to the Delta Quadrant. We know this.