I can imagine Tucks going overseas, in shorts, sunglasses, sandals and a smile. Unfortunately, things start to sour when he tells people to speak English...

I would watch a Home Alone and I Am Legend mash up.

Have a sign stating: there’s a 30 minute time limit in the dining area, with the time starting using the receipt. If one is actually eating and 30 minutes isn’t enough, that’s where the manager’s discretion would be requested. If someone is buying one item after another to keep within the 30 minute rule, have the…

Let’s see, what else causes these kids today to go delinquent?

If Trump were to denounce white supremacy, how else will he fill his schedule? Is it possible to watch more TV in his day...?

“Look, guys, if you keep chanting, I can’t go on with my speech! There’s a lot of important stuff I need to relay to you! Really, I can stand here longer than you can chant...!”

Is there a Safe Space for Mitch to hie to, whilst on the Senate floor?

Oh, no no no, Mr Epstein. We need you hale and hearty to face the charges you’ve been accused of, to have your day in court. Thus, you’ll be getting the best health care and food that the state can provide while you’re a valued guest in Manhattan’s Metropolitan Correctional Center.

Re: Constance Wu. Is it because she’s Asian and not acting in their preconceived notions of how Asian women should be?

Off Strip, you can’t be drinking alcohol in public, or at least be drinking alcohol out of your novelty drink container.

I would like to take a few minutes of my day, and daydream an imagined gathering of hosts and guests that haunt Fox News, and would pose the question to them: where are you from? And let’s skip the “I was born in Pittsburgh” or “I’m from Staten Island” bs. The question is where are you really from?

Being best only applicable to online bullying...sorry!

If only the kids would do the mixing bleach and ammonia in a poorly ventilated space challenge...!

The inevitable news segments of Chuck E. Cheese family brawls because they’ve run out of Super Cauli Crust will be fascinating.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

I wonder what the Fall TV schedule and the primetime line up would be on Trump TV?

Trump can’t divorce Melania, unless he wants to kiss off that crucial Slovenian-American voting demographic.

I stand before you to reaffirm American exceptionalism in technology...!

One thing to remember if the aircraft is in flight: while flushing, make sure the seat cover is down.

Here’s Trigger...!