Conversion chart for Teresa Caputo:  Long Island Medium = Manhattan Fat

I'd say Robin Williams in "The World According to Garp" is pretty impressive (—if you count playing a teenager as playing a child).

I'd say Robin Williams in "The World According to Garp" is pretty impressive (—if you count playing a teenager as playing a child).

Should you attempt to dig through any of my other posts, you'll find that I have Diplomatic Immunity, connections in the D.A.'s Office, and billions hidden in offshore accounts.  Which, and I'm not making any threats now, you understand, which means I CAN HAVE YOUR BADGE!  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to…

Should you attempt to dig through any of my other posts, you'll find that I have Diplomatic Immunity, connections in the D.A.'s Office, and billions hidden in offshore accounts.  Which, and I'm not making any threats now, you understand, which means I CAN HAVE YOUR BADGE!  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to…

Yep, at least half of those were from Lawnorder.  It plays 8 times a day on cable in my city.  But, in truth, I didn't "watch" any of those shows.  Once I decided to take the pulse of this phenom, I just recorded all the likely shows and then did a speedsearch through the relevant scenes.  It wasn't hard AT ALL  to…

Yep, at least half of those were from Lawnorder.  It plays 8 times a day on cable in my city.  But, in truth, I didn't "watch" any of those shows.  Once I decided to take the pulse of this phenom, I just recorded all the likely shows and then did a speedsearch through the relevant scenes.  It wasn't hard AT ALL  to…

Preeeeecisely.  It's so much fun to watch that precise mind, that I'm so used to seeing play "Right-Wing stodgy," just cutting loose and being goofy.

Preeeeecisely.  It's so much fun to watch that precise mind, that I'm so used to seeing play "Right-Wing stodgy," just cutting loose and being goofy.

I haven't seen this one in years…—but doesn't it have an after-the-last-act "blooper coda" that lets us hear the Dueling Musicians On Stage Scene without any of the musical "talent" dubbed in?  I seem to recall wonderfully dopey no-ability-whatsoever scratching-and-sawing during this section that was a true hoot.

I haven't seen this one in years…—but doesn't it have an after-the-last-act "blooper coda" that lets us hear the Dueling Musicians On Stage Scene without any of the musical "talent" dubbed in?  I seem to recall wonderfully dopey no-ability-whatsoever scratching-and-sawing during this section that was a true hoot.

OH, HOW I LONG TO BE OUT OF THE MIRE OF HACK WRITING.

OH, HOW I LONG TO BE OUT OF THE MIRE OF HACK WRITING.

Gotcha; cool.

Gotcha; cool.

I may not have been clear:  I was talking about the single-take shot where Louie walks in off the street, and the camera moves from exterior to interior without an edit…and this was emphasized via the AUDIO editing, where the outside street sounds were dialed down, and the very particular sounds of a muffled enclosed…

I may not have been clear:  I was talking about the single-take shot where Louie walks in off the street, and the camera moves from exterior to interior without an edit…and this was emphasized via the AUDIO editing, where the outside street sounds were dialed down, and the very particular sounds of a muffled enclosed…

No, she wasn't "responding" to his unbeknownst-to-her fantasy in any way. He wasn't leering; in fact, he looked sheepish when she turned towards him.  She was just closing the door to start the class —with NO meaning directed at him whatsoever…other than politeness.  She WASN'T slamming the door in any way…except, as…

No, she wasn't "responding" to his unbeknownst-to-her fantasy in any way. He wasn't leering; in fact, he looked sheepish when she turned towards him.  She was just closing the door to start the class —with NO meaning directed at him whatsoever…other than politeness.  She WASN'T slamming the door in any way…except, as…

Apropos of nothing else regarding the quality (or quite interesting nature) of this review/column…I've just gotta say that I truly despise the past participle verbing of "task."  TASKED.  God, what a hideous word.  Wanna know HOW ugly this word truly is?  Try to think of another single-syllable English utterance that,…