But he built things. Tremendous things. The best things you have ever seen. So despite repeated failures, inability to tell the truth, total self-absorption, no public service experience and apparent lack of raw intelligence, he should be our president.
Now barfing and shitting at what I just wrote.

The Cardinals not making the playoffs made me question my health. “Am I dying? Is this my Make-A-Wish wish being granted?” Then I realized that Cardinals fans would like nothing more than to be able to say the Cardinals brightened the last few days of a dying man’s life.

Jones picked up the items after they were thrown at him and signed them anyway:

This is good to know, but I’m not quite sure why everyone’s so thrilled. It will do NOTHING to his voters. They won’t care. If they don’t care when he insults a disabled person, and veterans and their families, and he stiffs small business owners, they are not going to care — may even praise his accounting acumen —…

As a Six-*shotgun blast*