That's what I’ve started doing with those $5 or $10 gift cards you sometimes get as a rebate for buying something. It’s a pain in the ass to remember to grab one and them have to do a split transaction just to use it up. So much easier to use it on Amazon.

I follow Homer Simpson's advice: leaves of three, leave it be. Leaves of four, eat some more!

For years, I started work at 7, so 11 was halfway through the day. I always thought lunch at 11 made perfect sense.

I put the paper sleeve my room key came in (and an extra key) in my wallet

You are going to get more for your money by calling your local florist and telling them where you want them delivered. They can contact a florist in another city if necessary. The pictures online florists use are misleading and nearly impossible for the local florist making the bouquet to make. 

You are going to get more for your money by calling your local florist and telling them where you want them…

The only time I've actually worn long johns this winter was snowblowing the driveway when it was below zero out with a nasty windchill

It’s 18° and snowing here in Minnesota. I’m sitting in my 70° office wearing short sleeves and short socks. I can’t imagine wearing long underwear to work.

A dump truck full of road salt tipped over on an icy day in Minneapolis-St. Paul a couple weeks ago

My wife will clean up every crumb from the floor under our son’s high chair, and scrub the table with a baby wipe. I pointed out once that they are going to wipe the table after we leave anyway, and the death glare I got was enough to never mention anything about it again. She also once yelled at me for not picking up…

I have one of those turds sitting in my driveway, slowly returning to the earth

Silly Bros, don’t you know that in the winter, four whee drive just gets you stuck farther?

...for everybody except the president’s son...

I had an 85 in that same color combo (plus fender rust on mine), with the dark brown velour interior. The guy that had it before me swapped a 5.0 from his sister’s mustang that was totaled. The car was comfortable and fast. Bulletproof reliable until it wasn’t, when I blew the transmission merging on to the freeway.…

But German potato salad >>> mustard/mayo based potato salad.

Towed a truck off the freeway using a light chain and two hose clamps

Firefox focus is even better. It has all the privacy stuff built in, and deletes history on exit

if it was declassified, that should mean anybody could get it with a FOIA request

I drive by Lois lane on my way home from work every day.

The thing that always sticks out to me in these commercials is the fact that the “real people” have fancy engraved name tags. What focus group or whatever gives panelists engraved name tags? They would get hello my name is sticker or som kind of pre-printed sticker.

or when you are stuck behind them in rush hour traffic