Breakfast food is a holy union of dessert-like sweets and salt-savory comfort foods, like bacon and gravy and sausage. I feel like breakfast food is designed specifically to put you to sleep, which is odd given that it's traditionally served in the morning.

I've been dying to make some kickass queso dip ever since that godawful article last week.

Fuck anyone who's still defending this guy or trying to keep the focus on anything other than this administration's destruction. Trump and what he stands for is the greatest threat to humanity, definitely of this century and possibly ever.

Food Truck and Beer festivals in Providence! Can't wait.

I was working on a screenplay *sips Starbucks turdishly* a couple years ago and then for really no reason just stopped. I picked it back up this week, edited a lot of what was written, and started going again. I hope to keep it up!

My weight loss was going well and then plateaued HARD for about a month. This week, seemingly at random, it started going good again. Down another 3 lbs BABY. Woo!

Like the Teenage Maggie that Ben Schwartz (and I) are oddly attracted to? This reference will make sense to roughly… 4 people.

Drop Dead Fred?

What about Fred Phelps?

That's obviously an urban legend.

Nothing will ever be as metal as Mr. Rogers' arm tattoos that tally up every kill he made in Vietnam as a sniper.

Maya Rudolph did a really good/funny impression of Ivanka on Late Night recently. She said the trick is to speak out of the side of your mouth like you're telling a sexy secret.

BEADS?!

Trump signed the Russia sanctions.

Heh. It does.

This is a Parks and Recreation reference.

Yo dawg, I heard you like insurance! So we put some insurance on your insurance so you're insured while you're insured!

Oh I can't speak for the life insurance side of things, but here in vehicle claims, it's mostly the listening to people take out all of their anger on you when you're just trying to pay for the damages to their FUCKING car.

*Mariah Carey shrugs, lazily dances with men in sailor outfits*

I can confirm this. I drink the least out of everyone I work with, and my fucking username is a cocktail pun.