This part of the original story isn't getting the attention it deserves:

Are you 89 years old?

This CB beefing is pretty harmless. Just ask Antonio Cromartie about the dangers of porking.

A revenge killing by a former Panthers WR. Very original, Steve.

Someone willing to get blood and guts everywhere is exactly what the Ravens felt they were missing last year.

Do you have Kinect in the room you guys were talking in?

Hank Gathers - dies on court

LeBron would have come back after a week.

Did you just flip a table in my comments section?

...I would probably buy Angry Birds: Modern Warfowl.

but every player will be represented by one of three basic character models: average-sized guy, slugger, or little guy

Makes sense that they're only using three player models. There's no way they could represent CC Sabathia with a two-button system.

10:04 pm – How bad is this UK team?

" You still there 3?"

It would be fun if we knew how much manager arguing time was saved on these 21 plays.

Nah. None of that will be interesting.

Too bad John Boehner wasn't there to mediate. He could represent both sides — shitty right wingers and redskins — and really bring them both together.

Holy crap, George "Macaca" Allen? Really? No better consultant than one whose political career was derailed by a racial slur?

"I'm not a player I just coach a lot."

He looked past his expiration date last year.