When I was in sixth grade my bitchy friends dared me to ask our pervy teacher to have sex with me. I would receive like $15 supposedly. I’m fucking absurd so I went up to him, laughing my ass off, and said “They said they would give me $15 if I ask you to have sex with me”. Guess who ended up in the guidance…

I was a rebellious young thing who loathed being subjected to gender norms. So despite being forced to dress in garish overly feminine dresses and matching patent leather shoes, I would run amok with my (predominately male) friends causing all sorts of mayhem.

I made nothing but “Hamilton” references during a board meeting. For two hours, I was only allowed to speak lines from Hamilton.

Sang a dirty limerick to the old vice principal of my high school at a reunion. He kept a completely straight face throughout. He is very tall, handsome and built and lots of people had crushes on him and I once walked in on him changing while I was at school, so he would be quite justified at this point to think that…

Heidi Klum’s Halloween Skillz are my literal life goals.

Heidi Klum loves Halloween like Halloween deserves to be loved. I can’t wait to see what craziness she’ll become this year.

Orthorexia is an eating disorder where you’re obsessed with the purity of your food and parents definitely impose it on their children. And Orthorexics are often recovering anorexics.

Harry Shum Jr. needs be Shang. Let Eddie Murphy do some motion capture and be Mushu again! He must!

Or she could be an older Mulan narrating her own story to a younger generation of soldiers she helps to train! I just love Ming Na Wen and need more of her in my life.

If you’re gonna pick this hill to die on please at least spell Moana correctly.

Disney has actually been pretty good about this of late.

Obviously, the only choice is still Ming Na.

I am pretty sure they didn’t and that it was just pre-emptive pitchfork toting. Which makes the continued coverage all the more eye-roll inducing.

Didn’t Jaime Chung actually play Mulan in that show Once Upon a Time?

Never forget.

I don’t think they were ever going to cast a white actress as Mulan. Even when it was an animated film, they still cast Ming-Na Wen as her voice actress. The outrage machine was already humming along when they announced this would be a live action film and while there is precedent for white-washing in films, this was…

I wholeheartedly agree that this is the second best thing I’ve seen today.

Eons ago someone from Britain gave me a...I don’t know its name, but it’s a very old instrument that they still make. You heat up some sealing wax, make a little puddle on the back of your envelope, and then press in this metallic circle or any shape I guess with your monogram inside it. People sometimes also used…

A++ Kitchenette callback, RIP Kitchenette. *pours out bottle of ranch*

Even thermoses?