I really hate it when some whiny fellow passenger complains that my both my cigarette smoke and erect penis keeps hitting her in the face

You should be sorry. Check your bag. You not having to check a bag is not more important than other people who follow the rules not having room for theirs.

Love him or hate him, I think we can all agree that things will start looking up for Jerry when he finds the precious that they stoles from him.

Public sector Wisconsin worker here. You’re not allowed to hate him more than I am.

He did rush for more yards than anyone else on the Birds.

The fan finally achieved his dream of participating in a semi-professional football game.

Well, he’s white...

I assume Kelly will be looking to claim him off waivers.

I’ve been at work for three hours and everyone has avoided contact with me. Sign me up for QB.

why do Bills fans insist on utilizing their partners’ pants like dead Tauntauns?

Unfortunately I don't think it'll matter in the court of public opinion. At least not to republicans/evangelicals/fundies/morons etc. . We all saw the debate, the people going after PP don't care about the truth, they never did. These people think rights only belong to white Christians & everyone else is dead to…

What if you’re sitting down to a delicious Sausage Buttermilk Biscuit from the McDonalds value picks menu when the entire Iranian army parachutes in and starts killing people left right and centre while flexing. Do you want a pansy-ass .45 that reminds me of a penis, or a shoulder-mounted M230 chain gun that’s going…

I'm just wondering if somewhere there's a guy with a story about buying cheap softcore porn and finding out it was actually X-men Legends.

The Pats are a bunch of cheaters, but Gronk is on my fantasy team!

Sorry, but a black guy getting bad reception in the Boston area doesn't qualify as shocking news

“If the ref didn’t want to be assaulted, he shouldn’t have been in that situation. Or dressed that way.”

I will not pay my parking ticket then because it’s not right. I don’t believe in parking meters.

When that oil ETF your dad’s friend talked you into goes down 7% the day after you invest.

Yes, because not everyone lives in a place with unlimited data. Plus little bits of data add up very quickly. If Google can make this improvement not only is it better for the user but also for them and their servers.

Bold statement.