Poor kitties need better names. Like not a food that you hold over a fire!!!!!

I just finished feeding the 4 two week old foster kittens that are currently in my bathtub!

the names are a bit sadistic lol...

“This happened when they were making The Hobbit. They needed to cast background actors, specifically background hobbits.

I’ve met Alan Rickman? I think that’s his name. Served him at a bakery counter, just remember him being a jerk, like self important. Also served Jake Gyllenhal he was nice, but didn’t tip me. Okay he only bought a cookie or two, but still!

This is dating myself but... when I was 10 years old my mother moved us from Philly to Westwood Ca. (a whole ‘nother story but it was actually a case of custodial interference.) Our neighbor in in the Melrose place looking complex was Barbara Barry. She played Gavin Mcleod’s wife on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”. She…

My brother LOVES telling this story, so it was easier to get him to text it to me than for me to remember every detail. For background, he was 10, I was 7, and we were on a Disney cruise ship. In his words: “I was about 10. You and I were asked by a cruise lady if we wanted to go to a kids room and play games. Robin…

David Sedaris signed my book “Thank you for making me rich.” I love him.

You can make it from pork too, Pastrami is typically beef but it can also be made from other things such as pork and turkey. It used to be a way to preserve meat, Pastra means “To keep.”

David Sedaris! I told him that he got me an A in American Lit and he wrote in my book “I would have given you an A+.” He was awesome. Also on writer stories, I once met Dave Eggers and expected him to be a giant dbag, but he was really lovely and was excited to sign a bunch of stuff for my friend who introduced me to…

My co-worker told me the best one yesterday about Paul McCartney.

I feel like I’d be ecstatic to be cockblocked by Josh Hartnett.

My best worst story isn’t that great. I used to work at a stage venue, and Zach Braff came once, and put his feet up on my stage manager’s desk. I had to lean over him to do the “Show Starting” light cue. And on his shoes was written “Zach” on the left shoe and “Braff” on the right. Like he’d forget his own name.

Right, but he could have been like “Can you change your gloves? I can’t have pork touch my food because I am Muslim” but instead he said the weirdly ominous “pork ass hands” thing which makes the story hilarious in the telling and was probably totally confusing to the teenager experiencing it. This better become a…

Isn’t pastrami made from beef? Tell MethodMan that you’ve got beef ass hands.

Oh Josh Hartnett. I live in Minneapolis, and he is a NOTORIOUS stuck up dick. The story about him up there is so typical. He dumped his awesome high school sweetheart that he owned a house with for a fling with like, Scarlett Johannsen. He is a joke.

“I don’t know him.”

The not-Norman Reedus one (Ya hear that, Sean Patrick Flannery? You’re the fucking “other” Boondock Saint, now, you putz).

Some of my lit students were telling celebrity stories recently, and I happily talked about the time I met Junot Diaz.

That Kanye story. I’m literally crying with laughter.