SoJoe

Thanks, Max! Phewsh.

YES.

How... many... goddamn... elipses... does... this... hack... use...?

See, it is literally impossible to make Dakota Johnson memorable in any way whatsoever.

Flushing tampons down the toilet is the real horror here. NOT SO SEXY WHEN YOU HAVE POOP WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET A PLUMBER ON THE PHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING, CHRISTIAN, EH?

Ripps claims he is making a statement on "the inaccurate synthesized artificial beauty passing as everyday,"

'Innocent until proven guilty' is a standard that exists specifically for and within the judicial system. Yes, it's true that we shouldn't just believe everything we read without question, but that doesn't mean withholding all judgement until a uniquely judicial standard is satisfied is appropriate either.

I bet her face smells like a foot. A peppermint foot

Dammit. I thought you meant that she was like loading up on Kalteen bars.

Chris Traeger!! How is Indianapolis these days?

On a non-rhetorical level, usually seats are staggered in such a way that the seats behind you are actually behind the space between your seat and the seat next to yours, which increases visibility as there's only someone directly behind or in front of you every other row. (I don't know if it's that way at the Met as…

Maybe it's cool if you sing it in Italian. "Vaffancuuuuuuulo!"

If this man complains about your hair, I'd love to hear what he says about the ridiculous middle age white lady bouffant updos you see in Texas. (Probably nothing, because he's a racist asshole.)

This is huge. Really. It's an acknowledgement of the modern world. For all his flaws, this is the first pope we have that seems to have advanced beyond the fifteenth century. Bravo.

Till he says it's OK to use condoms (at the very minimum) I won't be impressed.

i don't know a lot about her, but she sounds like a fucking queen.