Dear Nobody,

This Jew eats pie. Just ask my wife .... please.

This really sounds like a mini-calzone. Ben Wyatt’s dreams have come to life.

Breath a gigantic sigh of relief and get on with our lives.

On the other hand, 60 Minutes should see a nice bump in ratings this Sunday.

Ugh. My stomach hurts just reading this.

I would use it if the person was named Jackson.

Billy Crystal had a good formula down for a while.

“Gotta love the Trump humpers.”

I had a film professor in undergrad who would dock one’s grade on an assignment if they ever used the word “interesting.” It’s a valid point - use of that word is a cover for an inability to find something that is actually interesting to say.

Poor Kazakhstan. Of the former Soviet republics, they’re one of the more advanced, although not without their problems. Turkmenistan would have been a better target for mockery.

The winner gets a year of Diet Coke. The loser gets two years.

This reminds me of a joke:

Dear Nobody,

HCFS is a crime against nature.

I have yet to see the HCFS version in a glass bottle. Always cans or plastic.

Describing oneself as asexual or not becomes extra challenging when a thick Italian accent is involved.