You might be onto something here.

I came here to tell you that I love your name. Brilliant.

They'll likely never take off the hats (sweaty extensions) or the sunglasses (bad botox) the whole time. It's hard being a ultra-cougar at these things, I'll bet.

Word. Absolutely, positively word.

Sounds like John Boehner.

I would volunteer to fill in for Mary Magdalene just to hit that fine Christ.

Maybe he did CROSS FIT!

And can someone tell me how the hell you pee etc in an outfit like this? I am envisioning various zipper locations and they all involve practically undressing every time you got to go. I'm sticking with elastic waistbands and dresses. I hate to have to think.

I know, isn't she? I personally don't care for her "music" or "acting" or "judging" but I have to admit that she just keeps looking better as she ages. She and I are roughly the same age so that depresses the shit out of me.

My friend said that she figures Farrah is campaigning for a Real Housewives berth. I laughed and thought "Nah, that's just dumb". But she kind of looks Miami-ish here, so now I am filled with fear. And dread.

Seconded! She is one hot woman and that incredible dress just enhances her overall scorchiness.

And why are we being forced to look at his tongue?

Awwww, Drew! You can write in as yourself. We won’t judge you. (snarfle)

I really wish that I was ignorant of that fact. My mind has not benefited from knowing about the world’s lamest running joke. Now, I feel bad that you have been violated with this information. Please, please do not Google or YouTube this. No good could come from it.

Yeah. Like, what did the other contestants cook? Fetus heads? Pots of shit?

I am oddly disappointed that he didn’t pop the collar. I mean, if you’re going to out-Caucasian everyone, COMMIT, DAMMIT!

I remember when they got married and Inside Edition, I think it was, made it a glittering, multi-day event. It was beyond creepy and disturbing, and it was couched as a “love conquers all” romance of the ages. It was just nuts.

If you have the room in your freezer, put the half empty (half full?) bottles in there. I do this and then fill the bottle with juice or more water before I leave the house. And you can drink the ice water, obviously, if it melts. I do this with partly-filled 1.5 litre water bottles because I am apparently a horse and…

My best friend when I was a kid used to have white sugar and Miracle Whip (or ranch dressing, in a pinch) sandwiches on Wonder Bread as her after-school snack.

I go one better: I eat the seeds. I used to peel the skin off them years back and just eat the white insides but I don't have that kind of time anymore. If anyone eats the stem, they are awful people.