She is talking about someone who is SEVEN years old. No, that kid should not be spending that much time in front of a mirror. When I was seven, the only time I looked at one was when I was brushing my teeth and the mirror was right in front of me. Also, to check my hair.

In fairness, she didn’t say she was anti-makeup just that it shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.

I’ll have you know I waste time in myriad ways-putting crap on my face is just one of them, and it’s nowhere close to being the most frivolous.

You know what other part of MLK’s speech they conveniently forgot?

Oh, I see the paid, eclipse glasses industrial complex, shills have shown up.

Asking for a friend, Will wanking while looking at the eclipse make you extra blind?

As editor in chief of Splinter, I must state that Splinter does not endorse Hamilton Nolan’s views about the eclipse. I do, however, support him emotionally.

It’s only been 7 months. This seriously needs to stop. And to all of the people claiming that Trump is the lesser of two evils or that he and Hillary were the same....

yes, that’s exactly what i meant. we kept them in a cage. it was there 1780. we were pioneers in our field

Wait, why would “Hispanics” use “African drums” during mass? How is that their cultural tradition? How could a person write that sentence.

My mom will never believe this. She thinks the Chinese are all submissive, quiet intellectuals who are Confucius experts. (She’s only met academics.)

If that was about ewoks it would be incredibly cute! “they often stand extremely close to each other when speaking, frequently touching each other.” Ooh, cute little ewoks! What the fuck is up with that “evil eye” shit?

Literally the only people I have ever met that don’t trust doctors are white hippies of the Goop variety.

Hispanic section!

A friend took her toddler to the ER last week and upon leaving was advised to keep the child’s stitches covered and that, in spite of the fact that “you people like to use a lot of ointments” she should not do so. This type of shit is prevalent.

Direct eye contact is unacceptable even between friends. Touch is acceptable between friends and family. There is no touching between strangers.

I just keep wondering “What happens with two bullies?”

One of my best friends in LA is unendingly patient. I woke up the day after the election having had a massive anxiety attack and said, “I woke up not feeling safe in my own country.” He wryly said, “for the first time? That must be nice.”

They sound like lyrics to a really fucked up version of “You Can Call Me Al.”