Samuel L. Jackson is an alien.

How does being an NBA champion as a player make one smart?

Small town? 2 million metro is nothing to sneeze at. And that doesn’t inclue canton-akron.

Hate Cleveland? Weird.

Remember that time the Cavs drafted Andrew Wiggins? Me too.

Maybe they can get Kevin Love for Wiggi—- oh, wait... ummm....

Brilliant.

It puts the dick in ball state, actually

MAC Daddies.

Clarification on which oversized dick that would be, please?

It is. You’re still normal.

To be fair, the whole cartoonist steroid-abuser-who-died-young part does kinda over-shadow the rest of it.

Agree with most of this, except the ho-hum job and not-being-rich part. I’ll take some stacks of cash in exchange for quitting the rat race any damn day.

Editor’s Note: the original title of this atticle, “Rich Piana Cab Teach You How To Die”, was scrapped because we are dumb.

Great line. Fantastic.

Steroids also have detrimental effects on cardiac muscle and connective tissue. Bro. #themoreyouknow

Lol. So what you’re saying is, the steroids killed him.

Been there. Still there, actually.

You mean “Guy Feeee-eh-eeeeee?”

I’m so glad I’ve never heard of this guy.