They don’t know what to do with their homo-erotic urges upon meeting, and since they can’t articulate their feelings, they break shit.

This was non-verbal, but I’m still sort of proud of it (as someone who tends to cry instead of speaking up for herself). I don’t drive so I rely on my bike or public transport to get around (which works really well in the tiny country I live in). I’ll always give my seat to an elderly/injured/pregnant/whatever person,…

When I was in 4th grade, I was already nearly 5’10”. Which is my current height. I was basically a year from finishing puberty. They thought I had a pituitary tumor and might die. Turns out I just have a huge pituitary and some hormone disorders. Point is, shit was hard for youngrootof. Kids were fucking dickbags.

Second time a Middle Eastern Jew won Easter since Jesus!

I’m a lawyer, and at the time of this incident was practicing in several fairly small and rural Southern counties. I’d been out of law school for 2 or 3 years, long enough to be tired of the crap I would fairly regularly get from some older male lawyers. I had a trial in the neighboring county, and my opposing counsel…

Unfortunately the sickest burn I’ve ever heard was directed at me by my five-old-nephew. So during March break a year ago my parents and I were looking after him for my brother and sister-in-law. We took him to the Royal Botanical Gardens one day and on our way back as I’m buckling him into his car seat this happens:

I was very badly bullied at school so I gave as good as I got. One dudebro in particular kept harassing me, so I accused him of bedding sheep. Simples. All through high school, nasty sleazy stuff from him, I rejoined with my sheep-fucker insults. They were awesome! We have a very strong repitoire of sheep related…

An American colleague (relevant) tells this one about himself. He was on a plane in Japan, on final approach to Hiroshima, when he noticed how new the city’s architecture appeared from the window. His Japanese traveling companion replied, “yes, we had a fresh start in 1945.”

Thought of another!

I was in a 7-11 with my then boyfriend in the middle of the night. We were standing in line. This woman at the register had a wig on that was shaped like a swirl around her head, in a bright Nickelodian Orange. Something happened with her being rung up where she couldn’t finish her transaction, so she went to the back…

For some burns, context is everything.

My grandmother was the most polite person I’ve ever known. Not necessarily the ‘nicest’, but in the tradition of fine scottish-descended, church-going, tee-totalling canadians, I don’t think I ever heard her say anything harsher than a quiet ‘tut-tut’ in her whole life. She was…

I have a small, adorable puppy dog who LOVES everyone. One night, as I went to take my garbage to the trash chute on my apartment floor, she scooted out the door before I shut it and ran down the hall. At the same time, an older woman opened her door, and when she saw my dog running down the hall she slammed her door…

This little bit of Hollywood history, be it true or too good to be true...

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

Not especially sick or clever, but I give myself props for not walking away and muttering to myself.

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

‘She’s a load her mother shoulda swallowed’ as said by a dear friend when a girl I thought was a close friend royally screwed me over. It remains my favourite insult. Especially as I also knew the girls mum and she was kinda skeezy too.

True story, hello Jinkx vs. Detox, Coco vs. Alyssa, Joslyn vs. Laganga etc... The quotes from the queens watching make it even better. This season has been kind of lackluster on the lip sync front until this last one but they're still better than the "Oh look at this prop that's in the video that I had made for this…

RuPaul’s been doing this on her show for years, and it’s way more entertaining than a bunch of celebrities pretending to sing. Ugh.