Nope.

The last time someone physically assaulted me I was six, jackass. Adults don’t do things like this.

I hope your holding cell comes with a Betty Crocker Easy Bake Oven, you ignorant cow.

You made a shitty bundt cake.

By letting the people whose job it is, both ethically AND legally, deal with it.

Grow up. Call the authorities. There was security present—it’s their job to handle it.

No. Amy Schumer is intermittently funny. The person you’re thinking of is Melissa McCarthy.

Colleen Dagg is my new hero.