You may want to pass on to your friend that a relative and I were in a car that was rear-ended while the driver of the moving car was simultaneously texting & driving and we were stopped at a traffic light.

THIS. ALL OF THIS. THANK YOU.

My thought is that it's none of the above- there's a set of people who think "the rules are in place for a reason, but they don't really apply to me. Those other people can't drive safely when they're tipsy, but I'm not one of them."

It is. This is just another person who trolls these articles just waiting to tell you about how you're doing it wrong (and also that you're ugly while doing it wrong).

I am really looking forward to the future debate about how we shouldn't give our kids AIDS vaccines because it will turn them into whores. And when I say "looking forward" I mean that I'd rather lick a rusty saw.

But I thought that the drug companies wanted to let everyone keep having AIDS. That's what all the people on the internet told me.

401K? Not when my steak was 140F!

Shit, they're used to you subsidizing their business model through tips so far. Why not just put the burden directly on the consumer? Hell, want to make a real political statement? Let the consumer decide what privileges they wish to fund for the worker! Freedom! USA USA!

Lynn Shepherd: JK, Rofling.

She has a point. That's exactly how other entertainment industries works. The Seahawks all retired when they won the Super Bowl, Beyoncé will never make another album since she broke all those records, and tom hanks hasn't been in a movie since "Big."

I mean, obviously she was hired to be his escort for the night. But I don't think that makes it acceptable that someone put on blackface and harassed her.

I'm going for the inevitable moment when Lebron leaves the Toons for the Monstars

Just so you know, there are plenty of people who believe in God and who also believe in the power of medicine/science. They're not mutually exclusive.

For what it's worth, many people believe in God AND take their children to doctors.

It's not slut-shaming: it's pointing out the obvious "trying WAY too hard to be edgy" elephant in the room.

Did somebody say Sex Olympics?

Dear Men Everywhere,

Rosenbloom has kept this shtick going all year. Before the season, he predicted the Bears would go 16-0. It's a thumb to the eye of the idea that anybody can accurately predict anything in the NFL, and I kind of dig it.

And after he wrote this test, I can only assume he rolled over to the Daiquiri Factory for a Date Grape cocktail. SMH.

"Daddy, what's a merkin?"