The other day I spent a good deal of money on face and body tanner because I just hate my pale face... irony.

What I do in the privacy of my own Home Depot is no one's business.

Duct* tape.

Whenever I read a magazine that gives fashion ideas and then gives you the prices on the outfits they suggest my reaction is always "MAN, what is their average reader make that they can afford these things?!" But now I know: IT'S ALL LIES. Which is strangely comforting. It's not just me, the things I'm looking at…

I work in a jewelry store and I always get people saying "Wow, I would spend ALL my paycheck here. I bet you get a nice discount." and I just kind of awkwardly laugh because it's better than saying "um, not a nice enough of a discount for someone who makes $9/hr to buy a $1500 Movado."

Big Freedia performed on my campus at my predominantly white school. The show was great but the crowd of white kids trying to twerk was hilarious. I didn't even attempt it because I definitely would have just embarrassed myself.

The curse of being 5' 3": where "BUT I WANT TO BE TALL TONIGHT" overrides all logic in my head that says "these hurt and you will get drunk and fall and eventually get bunions."

Brilliant .gif choice.

Oh here it is, the fine print under the age of consent that says "totes ok if the kid seems older." Oh wait, that's not a thing at all.

AMEN. THIS ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

Oh, poor dude, all he did was rape a girl and now he has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. So rough. WHERE WILL THE INJUSTICE END? Also, I'm so sick of the whole "the MINOR was totally into it." Uh, they are a minor. That is statutory rape. I don't give a fuck if they agreed to anything. If…

One of my friends got a ticket for texting and driving and she was whining about it and how it wasn't fair because she "didn't know it was illegal yet." I wanted to smack her. A) IT HAS BEEN ILLEGAL IN MY STATE FOR AWHILE. B) if it wasn't, IT'S STILL DUMB AS HELL. C) A police officer had the gall to ticket you for…

I always want to ask people that think ACA imposes on them because it covers birth control that if it's ok to sue over this, is it ok for religions that don't believe in providing medical care to sue? Remember when Tom Cruise criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants? What if someone sued on those lines?…

Sanctity of fetuses. But not actual living people. They should just pull themselves up by the bootstraps and stop being poor without any help. You know... just like the Bible says.

Hey we just admitted we're obnoxious and disruptive and bad for the neighborhood, but instead of making us take a good, hard look at ourselves you should just get rid of the thing we're being obnoxious and disruptive about. That works, right? Totally doesn't send the wrong message?

I love your point about how you don't mind paying taxes if it helps people. For serious. Some of my money goes to help someone on food stamps? Oh boohoo, life is hard. The fact is not EVERYONE on welfare is a lazy good for nothing drug addict. I find it comforting that if I ever fell on hard times I wouldn't be…

Nick Jonas didn't turn out looking so bad. Did not expect that. Also: I forgot the jobros were a thing until I read this today.

Brightside: Free haircut? New adventurous short style? All your split ends are gone? I've got nothing. I can't believe this is a thing that is actually happening.

So um... do we actually get to see Shelly? If she's alive and well, the church should have no problem marching her out in public for everyone to see, right? RIGHT?!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who had that reaction...