"They got in the car, totally their fault that I then chose to kidnap them and chain them up in my rape basement." This guy is SICK.

Judy Blume has a twitter?! That was the first thing that came to mind while reading this.

Bit off his tongue? You rock.

If I were part of those 3 girls' families I would just be getting more and more pissed at the police department the more I found out about this man.

She CLEARLY hadn't taken any self defense classes. She was basically ASKING to be a victim.

I like how the author doesn't seem to know what a question is. "He went on a blind date."

If you don't buy into science, what the hell do you buy into?! If you think SCIENCE is too wishy washy, what is even left?

Makes me think of Christmas and holly berries... what a festive STI

I think tanning is the new smoking, where we're told to stop and then generally do what we want anyway because "BUT IT LOOKS COOL." Also people who go to tanning salons seem weirdly addicted to it. When you think about it, how are tanning beds even legal?! Seriously, it's literally a machine that just shoots cancer…

YOU HAD ONE JOB, DUDE.

If you're going to admit that you hired a porn star and plan on selling the tape... is it really that big of a deal to admit that you just made a freakin' porno?

Sorry but... if employers are SO desperate for employees, shouldn't they just take people that failed drug tests anyway? They wouldn't really have a choice if they were that short staffed, right? I'm not saying you should go to work stoned but if I owned a business and I really needed help I feel like I wouldn't…

Is that a smidge of cocaine I see?

Nice use of the word "flaccid."

How can I tell when they're tough?? What are the signs to know I've accomplished tough tits?

I'm sure when I was her age I begged my mom to buy me clothes that looked this ridiculous because I thought they were FABULOUS. I totally understand how happy she looks

Anyone else feel just a LITTLE bit more empowered knowing that they can cause earthquakes? This is it ladies, this is what the women's movement has been about all along.

But does the GUN come in pink, too? Because otherwise I can't use it. NRA, do you understand my womanly needs at ALL?

Ditto, it looks pretty uncomfortable...

I mean... We all would have been pretty disappointed if she went with some run-of-the-mill scheme from the average bridal shop, I guess.